“Because of the new family, the former often fails our children”

I have been divorced for two years, there are two sons. At first, after the divorce, the boys constantly talked with his father, although he actively arranged his personal life. Over the past six months, the ex -husband seems to have settled down, his girlfriend is expecting a baby. And he began to bring the children: he does not come to the matinees or promises to take them for fishing, they call him half a day, and he does not pick up the phone. Children began to be offended and, of course, come to me with all questions. I tell them as it is: perhaps dad is busy, he has a new family now, there may be some urgent affairs. I do not interfere in their communication with my father. Help to preserve the hearts of children, while without deceiving them.

Parental divorce always becomes a traumatic experience for the child. How to build a relationship after parting? It’s good if you manage to divorce, remaining in friendly relations or at least accepting each other’s position, but it often happens that there are so many insults and bitterness that it is difficult to cope with them. How not to translate your attitude towards the former spouse to common children?

Yes, it happens that a man and a woman ceased to be a husband and wife, but they remain parents, and this is the first thing a child needs to tell. As for the ex -husband, you need to agree on the rules of communication with children.

For some reason, it often seems to us that many things are happening automatically during the divorce: the child remains with the mother and she is fully responsible for him. And the father? He can get out of his relationship and forget that he is also a parent? Or, having created a new family, completely lose interest in the abandoned children? Yes, this happens. The situation is quite common https://www.narip.com/news/comprehensive-review-of-crazy-star-casino-what-players-need-to-know.html, and therefore the conversation about the rules of relationships is not only desirable, but necessary.

Both sides should have their own areas of responsibility and clear ideas about their obligations. The clearer we imagine these roles, the more clearly we prescribe possible situations, the easier the communication itself becomes.

Undercomership between parents – manipulation tool in the hands of children. I say one thing to my dad, the other, but I do what I want, because there is no dialogue and they will never know the truth. So that this does not happen, must be understandable to all parties the rule.

If you still do not want to interfere in communication between your father and children, then the responsibility for the formation and maintenance of relations between them falls on him as an adult. And if he fails children, then, no matter how much you want to create the perfect image of the pope in the eyes of your sons, it will be not true, and the lie never gives a positive effect. Sooner or later, the father will appear as he actually. Therefore, it is so important to form the rules of communication and fix them at the level of parents, and not between the adult and the child.

It is worth trying to tell the truth: not to denigrate the ex -husband, thus taking out the accumulated grievances, but also not to burn out. It is also not worth prohibiting his sons to meet with their father either: children should have the opportunity to fully communicate with the second parent.